I was sitting on a bench underground in one of New York City's many metro stations. I was in a crop top, ripped up high waisted paints, converse, and wearing my bluetooth headset. I felt lost, broken, but more than that I felt as though my spirit no longer existed. I truly felt as though I was only a body taking up space in the world. Sitting on that bench, I took off my headset and focused on my breathing. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. I mentally checked off that I wasn't completely gone. I was still able to have control over motor functions. I was in so much bondage that everything I did felt like it was on autopilot. There were many days where I arrived at my New York City apartment and couldn't figure out how I got there. Everything I did was a complete blur because I was simply going through the motions. So as I sat there on the bench underground, I listened to everything around me. I listened to the children who were trying to drag their mother up the stairs so they would be on time for their summer camp. I listened to the college student play her violin so she could make some extra cash. I listened to the train race by and as it did, I looked intensely inside. I saw all the faces of the riders and I remember thinking "I bet they're free. I bet they're happy. I bet they're whole." I continued to look at their faces as they rushed by and I felt so lost. The weight of my sin pressed down on me and I thought the pressure of it would soon turn me into a vapor. I would be gone without a trace. I looked at the faces of complete strangers and realized how much the person I had become was a stranger to myself. I was a slave to this stranger... I wasn't free. But God saved me. He stepped into my life when I decided I was going to take myself out of it (you can read my testimony here). He delivered me from my bondage, forgave me of my sins, made me a new creation, and I was able to walk in His freedom. The freedom I received was liberating. When you've worn heavy chains for so long you become conditioned to the weight and when that weight is suddenly removed, you're surprised by how incredibly light you feel. You begin to view the world in a way that you haven't for a long time. Your freedom inspires you to do things that you were scared to do before. You dance when you want to dance, you sing when you want to sing, you praise when you want to praise, you yell Jesus when you want to yell Jesus, you laugh when you want to laugh, you smile when you want to smile because you realize how much freedom you truly have to do it. It's been quite awhile since I felt that initial euphoria of freedom when God transformed my life. Isn't it amazing how life can bring so much to the table that you forget the freedom that you possess? The stresses of life trickle in and as it does, you begin to trade freedom for stress, worry, and fear. I have found myself recently trading in my freedom for all of the things I just listed. I have had circumstances land in my lap that have completely thrown a curveball in my future plans. Instead of praising God and worshiping Him through the storm, I've worried. Instead of giving my problems to God, I've feared. Instead of casting my cares upon Him, I've tried to care for myself in my own efforts. But God. When He sees that I am being stubborn, He shows patience. When He sees that I am running in circles like a hamster in a wheel, He draws close and lovingly grabs my attention. Recently, the Lord grabbed my attention through an event Freedom March recently had. An event where ex-lgbt gathered together and proclaimed how Jesus had delivered them and free'd them from homosexuality. I had no idea how badly I needed to attend this event! The one hour trip to the event was a riot. My son decided he was going to blow out his diaper and that was an event (if you know, you know). My husband and I were tired from the previous chaos of the week, but there was nothing that was going to stop us from going. So when we arrived, we took a deep breath, we walked into the venue....and wow. God is so faithful. God met me at the altar and reminded me that He is for me. God met me at the altar and reminded me that my circumstances may not make any sense, but He is working all things out for my good. God met me at the altar and reminded me that He would never let me down. God met me at the altar and reminded me that He is for me, He is not against me. God met me at the altar and reminded me of the freedom I have in Him. It's easy to lose sight of the freedom we have in Christ. We usually spend our efforts talking about the freedom we have but we never spend time actually enjoying the freedom we have been given. The freedom I have in Christ allows me the privilege to take no thought for tomorrow and that was something I needed to be reminded of. Where-ever you are and whoever you are, God is for you. He loves you immensely and your situation and circumstance is not above Him or beyond Him. You have been trying to handle it on your own and God has been asking you to give it to Him. Believe His Word when it says that He will meet your need. God will move your mountain. He will restore your health, God will increase your finances and have the debt paid, He will heal the brokenness that you feel in your heart, God will provide a way out of your temptations. Do you have the faith to believe that He can? Do you have the willpower to walk out your faith and trust Him? God wants you to be free. God wants you to enjoy that gift He has afforded to you. Trust Him and walk in His freedom... it's so incredibly light.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30