"Your testimony is a test for how you will handle your past."
- Ciara Weese
I wrote the above quote in my journal while enduring the most intense transition of my life. On this particular day, I was fighting the urge to run back to what I found "comfortable."My idea of comfort was diving back into a lifestyle of homosexuality, a lifestyle that I had previously chosen over my marriage until God miraculously brought me back into reconciliation with both Him and my husband. (You can read the background story of that by clicking here.)
So on this day, I was struggling. Although I had been set free a few months prior, I still faced temptation daily. Yes, I had given my life to Jesus and I was making huge strides in the restoration process of my marriage, but it was still incredibly hard. I remember weeping and asking God when would the temptation and pain ease up. It wasn't just the pain of a lifestyle that I thought I was missing out on, but the pain of past hurts that I had to walk through in order to receive freedom and watch the temptations I faced dissipate. In the midst of my weeping, the Holy Spirit lead my hand to write this quote and it ministered to me that day and the days since.
I wasn't battling those temptations only for myself, but for every individual who will one day read the words of what He has done in my life and be encouraged by it. It's the words of our testimonies made possible by the blood of Jesus that we see transformation happen. Our testimonies are powerful if we allow God to move and orchestrate Himself through them and our stories truly are a test for how we will handle the difficult parts of our past. If we truly believe Romans 8:28 that declares "for those who love God all things work together for good..."we will march forward and handle our testimonies with grace while acknowledging that He wants to use them for not only our good, but for the good of others. I hope this blog can be an extension and an outlet for not only myself but others on how God truly works together good through the messy, ugly, and beautiful parts of our story.